if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
