i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
