My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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