Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize