Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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