They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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