my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Small penises have feelings too.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize