OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
