Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
