So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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