You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
