it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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