Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His hands were made for my vagina.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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