hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
