The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
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thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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