So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
