I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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