My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
