You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
