No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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