my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
