I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
