From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
