So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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