3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
