"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
