I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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