Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
