How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
