no, he came in my armpit
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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