Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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