you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
