I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
