I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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