My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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