made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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