He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
