Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
