Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
