you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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