there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
