all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
