i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
