U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
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