that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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