Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
