I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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