I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
and you fell through a lawn chair
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
