Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
