i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
