Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
