He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
