I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My cat gives me a boner
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
