I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
