Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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