Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
