im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
