she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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