He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
