I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
